Springy

Well, survived my first week back at work
My colleagues were all really supportive and interested. (In fact, there's still a digram of my new insides, with Betty clearly labelled, on the whiteboard in the staffroom - for the visual learners )

It was my birthday - 47th - yesterday. I was bemoaning how it seems so much nearer 50 than 46 did, and I was told to shut up and be happy that I look so much younger than I did last year!

Had my first real experience of dumping last night and learned a valuable lesson about reading the label.

A person could be forgiven for believing that an organic yoghurt with prunes and seeds should be good for a person, surely! Reading the label would have revealed that the healthy ingredients were masking 23% sugar. Yikes!

Felt shakey, tearful and absolutely drained. Also, slightly disorientated. Had to go to bed for half an hour to pull round. Bounced back quickly enough, but it has given me and the lads an idea of what I look and feel like when this happens. Now to make sure it happens as little as possible in the future!

&hearts &hearts &hearts

Finished my latest pair of Monkeys - just in time for sandal weather, but what the heck! Here they are relaxing by the pond:



♥ ♥ ♥

In the garden, Spring is finally arriving. Can you see the tadpoles here? The pond looks like it is bubbling - there are so many taddies at various stages of development.



Found two Snake's Head Fritillaries in the woodland area this afternoon:

My week at work

Working and working with Betty-the-bypass-pouch is taking more getting used to than I thought it would.

I get up early, as I always did, and browse the interweb news while I drink a glass of water and get all my pills down. Then I make a latte (how I love my Gaggia and am so glad I can still drink coffee!) and take it back upstairs to drink with J. Ido make him one too! Sometimes this is the only timewe get to catch up when life is really busy.

I take a Weetabix to work with me (My life is one big pile of tiny tupperware boxes at the moment) and eat it while I do my diary and answer messages.

I'm managing a good fluid intake during the morning, which is good.

Lunch at school is usually a bit rushed, and Betty hasn't coped with being rushed at all. I have had really tight restriction at lunchtimes this week. So lunch has been really unsuccesful. The solution has been to take a scoop of protein shake powder with me the last two days. This mixed into milk has been manageable. I'm using My Protein True Whey, which has 19g of protein, 98 cals and low sugar. Just wish it came in smaller tubs. I have a 90 serving tub of banana at the moment and sometimes long for something different - like the Raspberry.



I've been more tired than I could have imagined too. My job is busy and fairly intense on a daily basis and I am feeling totally drained by 5:30 each evening.

Roll on the weekend!

Oh, I don't want to go back to work tomorrow

I've had a week off for my surgery and then two weeks' Easter holidays. I went to work for a day last week to see what state my post pile was in and to print out and collate a lot of data analysis I've been doing during the holiday. As there were only four of us in it was relaxed and free from the usual work-issues.

One of my colleagues is stranded in Portugal thanks to the Icelandic volcanic erruption. He won't be able to get a flight home for another week yet. It seems unreal and slightly ridiculous in today's world of the global village. I wish I'd seen it coming ;) Could have been stranded somewhere warm!





Still, there are signs all over the garden that spring is getting here. Even though it is only 10 degrees today and J is out gardening in his anorak!

Yesterday was relatively warm and we drove over to Saltburn, which was very busy. Then back along the coast.

Out and about again.

Been trying to increase my exercise lately. I don't feel like I have any stamina at the moment.
Managing 12 minutes at a time on the exercise bike (on j's rather tough settings as I don't know how to adjust it!) and walking more.

Went to Egglestone Hall yesterday and strolled around the gardens while J did plant shopping and j looked bored.



It was lovely to see some sunshine and, surprisingly, it was warmer up in Teesdale than at home.

Don't know whether it's a characteristic of this post-op period, or something else entirely, but I find myself getting very emotional about silly things at the moment. TV programmes, books, odd thoughts - can all bring me to tears. Odd.

I'm knitting again!

After a long absence (enforced by my orthopaedic surgeon and recently diagnosed Kienbock's disease), I am now knitting again. It's been odd, not being able to pick up the needles.
As soon as I was able, I didn't really feel like it. This was related to the project I was working on. I hated the colour of the yarn I was using.
So, I decided that, as it was superwash wool, I would try to overdye it. Fail!
Outcome:



Lovely colour, but felted so small they will do as slippers for my 5 year old niece if I sew some non-slip soles on. Never mind!

Back to the drawing board and some comfort-knitting. Another pair of Monkeys. This time in
Socks That Rock (mediumweight). The colour is Love in Idleness.

A cull

Spent this morning going through my wardrobe to cull the things that don't fit any more. I haven't had a drastic weight loss since surgery, but we're (hopefully!)heading towards warmer weather and I was nearly 5 stones heavier when I last wore my Summer clothes.
I don't have much left after sorting out 2 bin bags for the charity shop and a pile of stuff to go on eBay.

Strangely, or maybe not, the things that are left are much brighter coloured than the things that went. I seem to be gravitating towards cerise, lime, turquoise and red. I used to wear lots of black and some brown. Purple remains a perennial favourite, though.

Bruisey!

Should probably have marked this post not safe for children or at work, but what the heck! Look away if you are easilly upset!
My abdomen now:


It’s unbelievably swollen. I look much bigger than I did before I went into hospital, although I weigh less.

I seem to have spent all day working on eating and drinking, which is weird as I used to spend much of my time avoiding food.

Made a list of things that might work with the new, pureed diet stage and headed out to Tesco. Managed to get everything except Dutch crispbakes and I should probably not really have them anyway. I’m just craving something crunchy and I read that they are pouch-safe as they go to dust/mush in the mouth anyway.

What I ate today:

½ Weetabix with milk
Small latte
Petite Filous fromage frais
250mls Covent Garden winter veg soup, blended
Tbspn Mash with swede and carrot
Pureed veg with cheese stirred in
Apple puree and Angel Delight

Didn’t drink enough water, will try harder tomorrow.

There is nothing like staying at home for real comfort.

Great anticipation, this morning! If I can keep 6 spoonfuls of runny porridge down, I can go home. Felt really anxious about it, yet bouyed up by having slept from 9pm the previous evening with only 3 periods awake. Obviously what my body needed.

Managed the porridge, but I must admit, the odd gurgling and draining sensations take some getting used to.

Saw Maureen Boyle, the specialist dietician, who filled me full of confidence about my ability to cope with this new diet and lifestyle.
Saw Mr Mawaher (?Sp), Mr Small’s registrar, and was discharged. Wounds checked – all fine, no sutures or clips.
J and j collected me after a lunch of mashed potato (ate 3 teaspoons) and pureed mince (ate none, just can’t do that kind of thing).

Wonderful to be home. I was a bit emotional.

Spent a bit of time explaining to J and j that I was going to be ok and that things weren’t going to be too strange. j and I had a long chat about how frightened he had been on Monday night. He’d ‘played’ with the idea that I would die, which is the kind of thing I do. (Catastrophising, not dying!)

Had a shower! Bliss! Clean hair and no hospital smell. J took me for a drive to the beach.

Ate a small fromage frais, then later some baked beans pureed with grated cheese.
Must remember to drink more.

First day of my new life

After another sleepless night, I woke up feeling bruised and exhausted, but not any actual pain. W and I had IV fluids overnight and the flotron wraps and every time one or other of us changed position we set off various alarms. Added to that, I needed to get up every two hours to go to the loo (IV fluids!) which meant detaching myself from the flotron pump and then wheeling the IV pump with me. It steered pretty much like your typical supermarket trolley.

I have aches all over, reminding me that I still do have fybromyalgia. I can feel where my head was extended for intubation and where my arms must have been resting on something and even have a bruise under my chin where my airway was kept clear by someone holding my chin up. Princess and the Pea, or what?

Spent today walking, sipping water and sleeping. Just so very tired.

Drank 1 litre of water today.

Surgery Day

After a night of virtually no sleep – 4 bedded bay with W, empty bed and an elderly lady who slept all day and became a creature of the night the minute the lights went out – up at 6 to shower and put on anti-embolitic stockings. An interesting look, as the gown neck was so big it was off my shoulders and the stockings were much longer than my legs.

Mr Small came to see me and outlined the many ways I could die from the procedure. Informed consent is essential, but terrifying. Then the anaesthetist came and basically did the same thing. By this time, I was terrified.

At 8:30am the porters came to collect me for theatre. I had to go down on my bed so I could come back on it later. This was always an indicator of ’significant’ surgery back in my day. The porters were kind and jokey, making comments about how nervous I looked.

In theatre, I transferred to a trolley and was wheeled into anaesthetics. The anaesthetist put an intravenous cannula in my right hand, I had a BP cuff and a set of ECG leads attached and then oxygen through a mask, held firmly on my face. He said he was giving me something for pain, sickness and then said he was giving me the induction agent. I felt a metallic taste in my mouth and then went out.




I woke up in recovery and saw 11:30 on the clock. My only memories are feeling nauseous but in no pain.

At 12:15 I was back on the ward and had a brief conversation with W. Must have dozed a while, but was able to ring J and j on my mobile by 12:30 and tell them I was still alive.

Slept for a while, then the wonderful Gail (Nursing assistant) helped me get up to go to the loo and change out of my gown into my pyjamas. Started to feel human again.

Had IV fluids and an oxygen mask on, as well as flotron wraps around my legs, which inflated and deflated to minimise the risks of a DVT.

J and j visited at 2pm and I was able to sit up and have a walk around the ward. Felt unbelievably fit. Dozed a bit afterwards. Used a mouthcare pack with little pink sponge lollies to wet my mouth, which was horrendously dry from the oxygen. Later, graduated to sips of water.

Admission Day

Woke up at 2am this morning – actually sneezed myself awake. Can you believe it? I have the beginnings of a cold!

Trying to deal with it with paractemol, fluids and the powers of positive thinking.

Despite the false optimism, I can’t help wondering if they’ll anaesthetise me with a runny nose. Keeping everything crossed.

Rang the ward this morning to check they have a bed and they do. Seems to be just me and W being admitted today.

Packed my bag, again, adding a box of tissues.

So nervous.

I have decided against writing letters to my loved ones, but have left important paperwork in a place where it can be easily found.

Getting ready

I’m suffering a bit from one of the side effects of the pre-op diet, so I’m trying to increase my fluid intake and get more exercise. I also bought a box of these:



Movicol has been recommended by lots of people as something that will be useful after surgery too. I wonder if I can get them on prescription as I have a pre-payment certificate and these cost the best part of £12 for a box of 30.

Packing my bag today:

* 2 night dresses (sleeveless and baggy, very glam, not.)
* 1 pair pjs (elasticated waist)
* knickers and bras (not letting it all hang out a moment longer than I have to)
* toothbrush, toothpaste, dry mouth spray
* spray bottle for water
* wet wipes, face wipes, facecloth
* shower gel (will I be able to shower? I hope I’m not in long enough for it to be an issue)
* shampoo and conditioner (likewise)
* moisturiser
* lip balm
* socks, slippers, dressing gown
* towel
* book
* magazines
* phone/mp3 player
* money (small amount)
* bottled water

Have I missed anything?

Nearly there

Well, I’ve made it through my last week at work before the op. People have been very supportive and I had some lovely gifts and wishes yesterday.

My only worry is that people seem to be expecting me to come back to work after the Easter holidays as a size 10. There isn’t a great deal of understanding about what a Roux-en-Y actually is and most people seem to see it as ‘a band’ or total-body liposuction that will address my weight overnight. If only!

People have noticed the weight that has disappeared during the last few weeks, particularly the seven pounds that have gone so far on the pre-op diet. I did expect to lose more so far, but seven pounds is seven pounds. I can’t complain.

I’ve been very surprised at how easy the pre-op diet has become, after a difficult weekend at the start and a psychotic episode involving an omelette (not mine, I hasten to add) at the start of the week. I could easilly go on like this a lot longer and I’m starting to get an insight into how something like anorexia can creep up on a person. I forgot to have my ‘dinner’ last night and remembered after I’d settled down to watch TV. I wasn’t hungry and actually had to force myself to eat something. Smoothies go down best.



I’m sorting things out in preparation for Monday’s admission at the moment. I’ve made a list and crossed lots of unlikely items off again. I’ve been having some problems with my phone so I bought myself a new one on the way home from work. It has a big memory so I can download lots of games apps and fill it with my iTunes collection. Even has a radio, so I think that’s me sorted for my hospital stay.

Dark thoughts

Long chat with j last night about weight issues, eating and the impending surgery. I know he’s worried about my having elective surgery and the 1 in 500 deaths that we have been quoted.

Tried to reassure him (and myself) that I don’t plan on dying, but there is always that worry. J and I have wills that have been carefully written to provide best for j. I’ll have to show them both ewhere the life insurance papers are etc. It’s not a pleasant idea.

I’ve read that some people write letters to all their loved ones before surgery, just in case. I haven’t decided whether I’m going to do that or not. When I start to think about how I would start and what I would say, I start to cry and it hurts so much I have to stop. I do tend to catastrophise, but I don’t know whether this is something I should follow through with or not.

Pre-anaesthetic Clinic Appointment

Feeling a bit better about the diet, but can’t seem to get warm. Might be related to the long walk from where we managed to get parked at Sunderland Royal this morning to the actual hospital. Car parking there is ridiculous! J came with me so he’ll know where to find me next week.



Anyway, pre-anaesthetic check appointment this morning:
Bloods,
BP,
Weight,
Oxygen saturation,
ECG,
MRSA swabs from nose, throat and perineum (I did that one myself).
Everything was ok, except now I’m paranoid that I might have MRSA and get my surgery bumped back.

Must remember I still have a urine specimen in my handbag… they didn’t need it after all…

Day 3

Day three in the milk diet house and Gill is getting tetchy and irritable…

You should have heard the swearing in my kitchen an hour ago! I tipped an omelette (for one of the lucky family members who can still eat) onto the hob top instead of the plate. Aaaarghh!

Can you tell I’m suffering a bit?

It’s the headache that is the worst thing. I’m not dehydrated as I’m managing to get plenty of water in. Must be something to do with the lack of carbs.

Nevermind, I’ll get through this. Everyone else does

Pre-op diet

Well, after what seems like an eternity of waiting, I’m nearly there. The pre-op, liver-shrinking diet starts today. This makes the surgery feel real.

There are lots of stories around about people’s quest to eat their ‘last’ of everything: last Big Mac, last chocolate, last… whatever. I debated this. Even sent W a text asking what she was going to eat last night.When I got home from work J and j offered to take me out or get takeaway, but I settled for a salad and some oven chips. I was planning a couple of glasses of wine, but I was so exhausted I fell asleep in front of the TV instead.

So, no last blow-out for me. I think I was worried that I might trigger a binge or overeating. I was also thinking I didn’t want to cancel out any of the benefits of the pre-op diet.

All this sounds a bit pious, I guess, but I think it’s not really about self-denial, but more about acceptance. I’m more comfortable with food now than I ever have been. Nothing is banned. There’s just some things I choose not to eat today. 12 step principles?

So, this week I will mostly be eating:

2 pints of milk
2 Muller light yoghurts
4 pieces of fruit
Unlimited water

each day

More snow!

So fed up of the cold weather and snow! We seem to be having more than Vancouver. Speaking of which, how good is Amy Williams' gold?!

I'm enjoying the coverage of the Winter Olympics, but am annoyed that I can't take part in the 2010 Knitting Olympics. I still can't knit at all and I'm not sure when I will be able to in the future. It's quite odd, really as it was always a daily part of my life.



As an antidote to the miserable weather, a friend and I hit the shops this morning in search of colours and styles to lift our mood. Actually, we did manage to find some in the Per Una department in M&S. Lots of cerise and navy and purple and dove grey. Great colours and styles. Looking forward to needing to buy some more clothes in smaller sizes.

Good health news!

My sister-in-law's surgeon has confirmed that he has managed to remove all the tumour and that her lymph nodes were clear.
Such good news.
Now she can get on with the healing!